#7

my love-hate relationship with drugs drives me insane. it physically and mentally torments me how much of a plague they have become to my life yet it’s the one thing i love and turn back to most. when im not on them, i find myself thinking about the next batch i’m going to mix into my head. the next dosage i’m going to do. i love the way everything numbs down when my body is plastered up with anything: molly, weed, coke, xanax, oxy, lsd, shrooms, heroin… they’re what keeps me fueled yet my tank runs out so fast.

i love the euphoria you give me but i can’t stand the torment after. i love the feeling of a syringe dig into my vein but i hate the way you make me begin to scratch into my cold, sweaty skin begging for it to be over until i’ve eventually made myself bleed. i love the way my eyes roll back and i feel as if im in another distant land but god can i not stand the teeth chattering temperatures when it is actually scorching at the same time. in ways i love who i’ve become now, but i hate that you’ve taken most of me away from me. i miss who i was. i miss my innocence even if there was barely one to begin with, i crave to be clean soon. i crave to be who i once was but this all seems like a endless cycle.